Anxiety, What is it Good For? Absolutely Nothing.
Anxiety comes at the worst time.
So often our anxiety completely wrecks us, and whatever we are anxious about hasn’t even happened, or for that matter doesn’t EVER happen. Yesterday I had one of my first official “mom coffee’s” at my son’s new school. First not only is my son starting a new school, but I am. For the last 3 years Zeke has been at a wonderful preschool, that has become home. I have made friends there that I absolutely love and adore. Women who have encouraged me and who have seen me struggle over the past several years.
Zeke at his preschool graduation with his teacher’s.
New school, new relationships an anxious person’s perfect storm.
Now, I’m embarking on a whole new journey in a whole new world. Mark and I spent a decade in prayer about where we wanted our children to go to school and what we thought was important. I loved my public school experience and my husband loved his Catholic school experience. We knew each had it’s flaws, but we both felt they were good choices. Ultimately we came to the decision to send our child to private school a couple miles from our home. We felt God leading us here and it was the best fit for our family. Every time we meet a family from the school it affirms our decision even more. Unfortunately sometimes even divine affirmation doesn’t dispel discomfort.
Zeke and Priscilla at the school garden.
Having FOMO as an adult.
This past week was one of our first school events. A kindergarten mom coffee. This little public school girl from a small town was completely out of her element. This coffee was so important to me, that I was going to move mountains to get there. Not only did I not want to miss out on any and all information, but these are the women I will be spending my days with and raising my children with, not just for kinder but hopefully for the thirteen years. (No pressure right? These ladies better be AWESOME!) I’m sure you can see how I was sort of setting myself up for a high anxiety situation. Did I mention that basically forty eight hours before the coffee I realized I had no childcare?
Sometimes even divine affirmation doesn’t dispel discomfort.
Yeah, I asked everyone I could think of, I mean EVERYONE. The irony was my husband was going to actually be home, but Murphy’s law he had a demo from 2-4, smack dab in the middle of my coffee. Not only did he have to be on the call, but was leading it. So there was no way he could watch my kids. They fight too much, it’s summer, so the wheels have come off and my patience is thin. If you saw my Instagram on Monday you would know why I wasn’t having high hopes.
The night before I emailed the admissions office and let them know that I wasn’t going to make it to the coffee because I couldn’t find any childcare. To my surprise they said that my children were more than welcome to come to the tea and they could color or play with some toys during the coffee. I had visions of my children, kicking, screaming and fighting and right as I’m about to remove my children from the premesis they quietly tell me that my child is no longer a good fit for the school and we would need to find Zeke other arrangements for kindergarten. (Catastrophic much?) I just knew that everything that could go wrong would go wrong.
So to lower the odds of Zeke getting kicked out of his school that technically he hasn’t even started we decided to leave him at home. Unlike Zeke; Master P as we like to call Priscilla, needed to be “managed.” So off I went to a situation that already was pushing me out of my comfort zone, with a ticking time bomb three year old girl.
I just knew that everything that could go wrong would go wrong.
To my surprise Priscilla couldn’t have been more PERFECT, and I mean perfect. It was scary, how perfect she was. She was quiet, played with a small box of dolls and entertained herself for an entire two hours. She was actually sooooo perfect, I began to worry she was up to something she shouldn’t be. Us mom’s know when a child is quiet, you better see what they are up too. I was constantly checking to make sure she wasn’t climbing the grand piano, or pulling down candelabra’s from the fireplace. So even though things were going well, I was still on edge because I just kept waiting for an outburst. All this anxiety, frustration, anger, exhaustion, fear and worry for nothing. My anxiety was wasted energy, wasted frustration, wasted anger, wasted time and for what? Absolutely nothing.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s experienced this? Anyone else had social anxiety?
Your fellow warrior,
Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Philippians 4:6-7 The Message.